Notes to Joey
by Mavelus
Summary: Ha! It's done, final chapter up! Sequel comin' up if you ask nicely! - (RR, flames used to burn things like your shoes and Tea! Oh, lets not forget those pesky squirrels!) COMPLETE!
1. Money, Moms, and Pregnant Kaibas!

Notes to Joey  
  
Summary: Ppl ask Joey things... yeah...  
  
Disclaimer: Would you think I own anything?  
  
Chapter 1:  
Moms, Money, and Pregnant Kaiba's! @_@  
~~~~~*~~~~~  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
Mom says bring home milk.  
  
Love, Serenity  
  
Dear sis,  
  
SHEESH! Ok, ok, stop pestering me...  
  
Love, Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY!!!  
  
YourPissedBestBuddy  
  
Dear Yug,  
  
^-^;;  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
Do you think I'd look better in red or blue?  
  
FunnyBunny  
  
Dear Crack head funny bunny lover,  
  
FREAK!!! ... red.  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
I think I might have fallen in love with my horse... is that normal?  
  
signed Schizo  
  
Dear SCARY,  
  
Call Jerry Springer  
  
Joey  
  
Dear mutt,  
  
Where the HELL are my BEWDS you fucking thief!!!!  
  
RichMan  
  
Dear MoneyBags,  
  
THEY'RE MINE AND YOU'LL NEVER GET THEM BACK! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
I want to date my best friends sis, what do I do?  
  
Romeo  
  
Dear Knuckle brains,  
  
STAY AWAY FROM MY SISTER!!!  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
My darker half stole my knife, have you seen him?  
  
WhiteAngel  
  
Dear 'Kura,  
  
O.O Just now  
  
Joey (insert bloodstains here)  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
Something's up with my big brother. He's constantly mad, than suddenly he's happy! It's weird, and he's always throwing up... is that normal?  
  
RavenHairedKid  
  
Dear Mokuba,  
  
Could be pregnant. D  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
Where the HELL are my BEWDS?! GIMME MY BEWDS!!! BEWDS! GIMME MY BEWDS!!!!  
  
RichMan  
  
ps: Lunch on Saturday?  
  
Dear SCARY MoneyBags,  
  
O.o You are pregnant, aren't you?  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
what would you do if your yami started killing rats w/ your kitchen knives???  
  
WhiteAngel  
  
Dear Whitey,  
  
Make sure they don't come here to wipe it all over your response letters...  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
GIMME MY MONEY YOU $*&#$^!&&(#%$#%*#$$&%#^$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
YourPissedOffBuddy  
  
Dear Yug,  
  
Uh... wrong address?  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
I think you're right!!! My brother's gettin' kinda... fat... O.o HELP! I'm too young to be an uncle!  
  
RavenHairedKid  
  
Dear Mokuba,  
  
I pity thee... My best wishes to that baby... or alien XD  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Mutt,  
  
I am NOT pregnant!!!!  
  
RichMan  
  
Dear Mrs.,  
  
Don't deny your own child! XD  
  
Joey  
  
ps: Kiss that lunch offer good bye.  
  
Dear Joseph,  
  
Come home, you and Serenity are supposed to try on those new puppy-jammies I got you!  
  
Love, Mom  
  
Dear Ma,  
  
I'm working! _;;  
  
Love, Joey  
  
~~~  
  
Love? Hate? Am I the worst author on the face of the planet? TELL ME!!! Nice reviews are greatly appreciated!  
  
~Mavelus 


	2. YOU LIE! I DO LIKE CHEESE!

Notes to Joey  
  
Summary: Ppl ask Joey things... yeah...  
  
Disclaimer: Would you think I own anything?  
  
Chapter 2:  
  
~~~~~*~~~~~  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
@#$^@$&@$@$^@&(%#%^&$^!!!!  
  
YourPissedOffBuddy  
  
Dear Yug,  
  
I'm tellin' ya, ya got the wrong address! I don't know you! Leave me alone!  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
I've taken your advice, I'll be on the show tonight.  
  
Schizo  
  
Dear Schizo,  
  
Good for you!  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
DAMNIT MUTT!!! YOU HAVE MY BEWDS! I WANT THEM BACK!!! . (twitch) you lie! I do like cheese! (twitch) I want nachos! (twitch) But we hates cheese!  
  
RichMan  
  
Dear Kaiba,  
  
You need serious help  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
MY BROTHER'S INSANE! Poor big brother, being pregnant must really suck. Thanks for the advice Joey. I thought about it and I'd really like to have some one else to take care of! I hope it's a boy!  
  
RavenHairedKid  
  
Dear Mokuba,  
  
Have fun with the diapers!  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Mutt,  
  
I AM NOT PREGNANT! Now if you'll excuse me, I have the oddest craving for pickles, ice cream, liver, and onions.  
  
RichMan  
  
Dear Kaiba,  
  
O.o  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
THAT'S IT WHEELER!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!! YAMI, GET MY KNIVES! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
YourPissedOffBuddy  
  
Dear Yug,  
  
Wheeler? Wheeler who? I'm not Joey! ^-^;;  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
My yami's oddly affectionate when drunk. is that normal?  
  
EgyptianDude  
  
Dear Malik,  
  
Don't look at me; I don't have a yami!  
  
Joey  
  
~~~~ You wanted more; I gave ya more! It was. interesting. ^-^ Please R/R! It's my third story I ever posted, please be gentle (I'm new). I need reviews! My life depends on it! Flames shall be laughed at and used to burn Tea over a bon-fire! D  
  
~Mavelus 


	3. Kaiba in Labor!

Notes to Joey  
  
Summary: Ppl ask Joey things... yeah...  
  
Disclaimer: Would you think I own anything?  
  
Thank you:  
  
I'd like to thank all those ppl who reviewed! You don't know how much it means to me as an author ;_; I cry with joy!  
  
Chapter 3:  
Kaiba in Labor! ^-^  
~~~~~*~~~~~  
  
Dear Mutt,  
  
I'M. NEVER. MAKING. LOVE. TO. YOU. AGAIN!!!!!!!!!  
  
RichMan  
  
Dear Kaiba,  
  
O.o HUH?!  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
I apologize for my brother's behavior; he's in labor and at the hospital. Poor big brother, he's in so much pain he's in denial! He's also screaming about you, what's that about?  
  
RavenHairedKid  
  
Dear Mokuba,  
  
I have no idea I didn't make love to him I swear! O.O  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
Bakura's missing again; do you know where he went? Yami tells me Yugi's missing too.  
  
WhiteAngel  
  
Dear 'Kura,  
  
Dunno  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Mutt,  
  
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT!!!!  
  
RichMan  
  
Dear Kaiba,  
  
Meep O.O  
  
Joey  
  
(A/N: I apologize for the time-lapse! I'm trying to get this baby outta him before it gets old. ^-^;;)  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
You so sssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeexxxxxxxxxxxxxyyyyyyyyyy.  
  
DiceKing  
  
Dear FREAK,  
  
GO AWAY DEVLIN  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
You die today, Wheeler.  
  
BentOnKillingYOU  
  
PS: Look behind you.  
  
~~~  
  
Joey: O.O  
  
~~~  
  
Don't worry, he's still alive! -_- this chapter really sucked. But I hope you like it. Give me suggestions on how to make it more funny! I accept healthy criticism, not flames. Flames will be used to burn Tea to a crisp.  
  
~Mavelus 


	4. Poor Joey!

Notes to Joey  
  
Summary: Ppl ask Joey things... yeah...  
  
Disclaimer: Would you think I own anything?  
  
Thank you:  
  
You love me; you REALLY love me! ;_; (cries) Thank you! I'm so glad you guys love the "Kaiba-is-pregnant" get-up, it means so much to me! ^-^ You all make me so HAPPY!  
  
Chapter 4:  
Poor Joey!  
~~~~~*~~~~~  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
Mr. Kaiba requests your presence at the hospital, something about. "KILLING YOU FOR THAT RA FORSAKEN ONE NIGHT STAND"  
  
Body Guard  
  
Dear Dude,  
  
I'm NOT the father!!! So what if I was a little drunk and wanted a little action? It doesn't mean it's my child!!! And the being pregnant thing was a joke! A gag! I'm gonna cry. ;_;  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
I apologize for my hikari's attempt on killing you last night. Ryou also sends his apology for Bakura with that. "knife".. Yeah.  
  
Yami  
  
Dear Yami,  
  
Apology accepted, just keep those 2 AWAY from me!  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
IT'S TIME!!! I'm so excited! Big brother's gonna have a baby! I'll keep you posted on his progress!  
  
RavenHairedKid  
  
Dear Mokuba,  
  
Nonononononononono. that's ok! I'm NOT the father! STOP PESTERING ME DAMNIT!!!  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
You know you want me.  
  
DiceKing  
  
Dear IDIOT,  
  
Suck a lemon Devlin  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
We graciously invite you to our wedding! We thank you for helping us find our true love!  
  
Shadi and Mrs. Flowers (insert horse print here)  
  
Dear Shad-man,  
  
Welcome? ^-^;;  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
THE. ONLY. PERSON. I SLEPT. WITH. WAS. YOU! GET. YOUR. SORRY. ASS. DOWN. HERE. AND. HELP. ME. DELIVER. YOUR. CHILD!!!!  
  
RichMan  
  
Dear Mrs.,  
  
I'm NOT the father!!! .  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
OMG! Joey, I see the head!  
  
RavenHairedKid  
  
Dear Mokuba,  
  
O.o  
  
Joey  
  
MUTT,  
  
AND. YOU. SAID. I. DENIED. THIS. BABY. YOU. ARE. SO. DEAD. WHEN. I'M. RELEASED!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
RichMan  
  
~~~  
  
Joey: (bangs head on desk) Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. (etc. etc.)  
  
~~~  
  
Poor Joey! ^-^ . I hated this chapter. -_-;; But I hope you like it! I worked hard just for you guys! My precious reviewers, I thank you again! ^- ^ R/R, flames will be used to torch things (like flamers houses!)  
  
~Mavelus 


	5. Kaiba's Chil dren! Oo

Notes to Joey  
  
Summary: Ppl ask Joey things... yeah...  
  
Disclaimer: Would you think I own anything?  
  
This chapter's dedicated to Kaiba's child! ^-^ Sorry, no letters today, script format so cuz Kaiba's givin' birth.  
  
Chapter 5:  
YAY! Kaiba's chil. dren?! O.o  
~~~~~*~~~~~  
  
(at the hospital)  
  
Every1 (Yami, Bakura, Ryou, Yugi, Malik, Marik, and YES Joey. ) is in Kaiba's room.  
  
Joey: Nice. stomach. (coughs)  
  
Kaiba: (glares)  
  
Mokuba: You shouldn't be mad big brother; I read in a magazine once that it's bad luck to be angry when you're about to have a baby. It say's "the child will grow up with the same temper".  
  
Nurse comes in.  
  
Nurse: Feeling all right Mr. Kaiba? Any sharp pains?  
  
Kaiba: No.  
  
Nurse: Alright, the Doctor said you'll be ready soon. (leaves)  
  
Ryou: Did you decide on a name yet?  
  
Mokuba: We decided to name him Seto jr., after big brother. ^-^  
  
Ryou: Oooohhhhh. you are so lucky to be a mother. (looks enviously at Kaiba) Bakura? (looks at Bakura w/ big puppy eyes)  
  
Bakura: Wha- O.O HELL no!  
  
Ryou: (bottom lip quivers)  
  
Bakura: NO! No way, no babies!  
  
Ryou: aaaww.  
  
Kaiba: Trust me (wince) you don't want to be pregnant. Owowowowowow.  
  
Yami: What's wrong?  
  
Kaiba: Nothing (flinch) contraction, used to those.  
  
Mokuba: (blinks at sheets) Big brother? . did you just pee?  
  
Kaiba: Wha- (looks) oh shit.  
  
Ryou: Is that part of that contraction?  
  
Kaiba: No! My water broke!  
  
Mokuba: GASP!!! Big brother, that means- he's gonna give birth right now!!  
  
Joey: NOW?! O.o  
  
Dr. walks in  
  
Dr.: Did you just say your water broke???  
  
Kaiba: (in pain) YES.  
  
Dr.: Alrighty than, everyone who's not family, out of the room!  
  
Joey: (tries to run for the door)  
  
Dr.: (grabs Joey) Not you, happy dad, you stay here and provide moral support. Here, hold his hand.  
  
Kaiba: (latches on to Joey's hand with an iron grip)  
  
Joey: Owowowowowowow.  
  
Dr.: That's right Joey, feel the pain. ^-^  
  
Kaiba: (squeezes harser)  
  
Joey: OWOWOWOW. O.o  
  
Dr: Good! Now, everyone except for Joey and Mokuba, OUT!!!  
  
Every1 else leaves  
  
Dr.: Hello, I'm Dr. Mavelus I'll be helping you w/ your baby today! Now, just let me get my nurses.  
  
Nurse: I'm here! (runs in) I'm Nurse CuddleBum! I'll be dabbing your for- head today! (goes over w/ a wet rag and dabs Kaiba's head) ^-^  
  
Dr. Mavelus: Great, now that I'm all set, let's get that baby outta ya!  
  
Mokuba: Don't worry big brother; I'll give everybody full detail!  
  
~~~  
  
Every1 else waiting outside. all is quiet until.  
  
Kaiba: (from inside room) AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Yami: Makes me feel sorry for him.  
  
Mokuba: (runs out of room) We got a head! We got a head!  
  
Yugi: That's great!  
  
Mokuba: (runs back in)  
  
Inside room  
  
Dr. Mavelus: Good, Mr. Kaiba, we got shoulders. arms. keep pushin'!  
  
Kaiba: (through gritted teeth) I'M. PUSHING. AS. HARD. AS. I. CAN. (squeezes Joey's hand) ARGH!!  
  
Joey: O.O OOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!  
  
Dr. Mavelus: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Nurse CuddleBum: What is it?! Something go wrong?!  
  
Dr. Mavelus: No, but its great therapy to scream with em'! PUSH! . here he is! (cleans off baby with a soft towel)  
  
Kaiba: (sees baby) OMG. (starry eyed) he's beautiful.  
  
Dr. Mavelus: (hands baby to Nurse CuddleBum)  
  
Nurse CuddleBum: Aaaaaaaaawwww. where's his thingy???  
  
Dr. Mavelus: Oh, my mistake. it's a girl.  
  
Mokuba: GIRL?! Seto's a girl! (runs out)  
  
Out side  
  
Mokuba: Seto's a girl, Seto's a girl, Seto's a girl, Seto's a girl!!!  
  
Kaiba: (yells from other room) Kindergarten flashback!  
  
Bakura: Woah, woah, woah, slow down! Your brother's a girl?!  
  
Mokuba: Nnnnnoooo!!! The baby! He's a she! Seto's a girl, Seto's a girl, Seto's a girl!  
  
Kaiba: (yells) Just keep on sayin' it!  
  
(back in room)  
  
Mokuba: (runs back)  
  
Dr. Mavelus: Surprise, surprise, we got another one!  
  
Mokuba: What?!  
  
Dr. Mavelus: Yup, when I say Mr. Kaiba. now!  
  
Kaiba: ARGH!!!  
  
Joey: O.O AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (hand gives a sickening crack)  
  
Dr. Mavelus: Here he comes. head. shoulders.  
  
Mokuba: knees and toes!  
  
Dr. Mavelus: (blinks)  
  
Mokuba: Well. it sounded right.  
  
Dr. Mavelus: And he's free! (holds up another baby) And for sure, it's a boy! Congrats, Mr. Kaiba, you got a beautiful pair of twins. (wipes off baby and hands him to Joey) ^-^ you should be proud!  
  
Joey: (carefully holding baby while trying to nurse broken fingers) Th- thanks. owwie.  
  
Dr. Mavelus: Well, I'll leave you be. Nurse, give Mr. Kaiba his child and let the others in. Any problems, I'll be in my office. (leaves)  
  
Nurse CuddleBum: (gives Kaiba his baby) ^-^ Here you go, sir!  
  
Joey: N-nurse? Can you have a look at my-  
  
Nurse CuddleBum: Heard the crack, they're broken. I'll send someone in to wrap it for you. (leaves)  
  
Mokuba: Oh, big brother, they're so small.  
  
Every 1 (except for Malik and Marik) who was outside come in.  
  
Ryou: (gasp) They're so cute! May I-  
  
Joey: Be my guest. (hands baby over to Ryou)  
  
Ryou: (cradles baby) aaaaaawwwww. (looks at Bakura)  
  
Bakura: NO. N-O, spells NO.  
  
Ryou: (pouts) You are sssssssssooooooo lucky, Kaiba.  
  
Kaiba: (sulking) Trust me, you have no IDEA what it's like having a little body squeeze through your testicals.  
  
~~~ Aw, children, such a wonder. ^-^ Five friggin' pages and I hated it! -_-;; I didn't think I put enough effort. Well, I hope you liked it! Give baby names in your reviews, I'm sure the new proud parents will very much appreciate it! ^-~ R/R, flames laughed at!  
  
~Mavelus 


	6. STOP ARGUEING!

Notes to Joey  
  
First off, I'd just like to apologize for my LLLLLLOOOOOOOOONNNNGGGGGG absence. I know I haven't updated in like FOREVER, but I tried my best. My internet's back! YAY! ^-^ GO ME!  
  
Anyway, I've read all of your wonderful reviews; you guys make me so happy! Knowing that I'm loved makes me feel special.  
  
SO! As a reward for your patient wait, is the sixth chapter! Ladies and gents, presenting:  
  
Chapter 6:  
  
~~~~~*~~~~~  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
Wow big brother! You had your first baby, that's so cool! Now I have a niece and nephew, what're their names?! Oh, I'm so excited and happy for you!  
  
Love, Serenity  
  
Dear sis,  
  
O.o You have no idea how traumatizing it all is sis. their names are Sonya and Bobby (we call him Bob).  
  
Love, Joey  
  
Dear Joseph,  
  
You break my heart, dearest puppy. Having a child with some one other than me! You disgust me!  
  
DiceKing  
  
Dear IGNORAMOUS,  
  
I. DON'T. LIKE. YOU.  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
Big brother's getting real angry, he says "you better get your sorry ass home and help nurse your kids or FACE MY WRATH!!!"  
  
RavenHairedKid  
  
Dear shortstuff,  
  
Tell him to go breast feed.  
  
Joey  
  
MUTT,  
  
I don't breast feed! I don't even have breasts!!!  
  
RichMan  
  
ASSCRACK,  
  
Nnnnnnnnnnoooooooooo. you have manly titties!!!  
  
Joey  
  
Wheeler,  
  
.....................shit  
  
RichMan  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
You and Kaiba are so lucky!!! I REALLY want a baby, but Bakura keeps saying no. can you help me to convince him? PLEASE???  
  
WhiteAngel  
  
Dear Whitey,  
  
Trust me. It's not all roses and picnics.  
  
Joey  
  
Dear guy-who-gives-advice,  
  
Tell my hikari to stop begging me for a Ra forsaken baby. I hate kids! And he should know that perfectly well!!!  
  
BlackAngel  
  
Dear Blackey,  
  
Why don't you tell him?  
  
Joey  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
Come on! I love babies! I've always thought they were so adorable! Please try to convince him? Once without a condom? PLEASE???  
  
WhiteAngel  
  
Dear Whitey,  
  
O.o  
  
Joey  
  
Dear dude,  
  
Tell him I said NO.  
  
BlackAngel  
  
Dear Yin and Yang,  
  
Can you stop having this conversation through my advice column????  
  
Joey  
  
~~~ So? Whaddya think??? -_-;; it sucks. peas review, I'd really appreciate it! ^-^ You know what I do to flamers!!! Again, sorry for the long wait.  
  
~Mavelus 


	7. Tis the End!

Notes to Joey  
  
Everyone, I'm afraid I have to end "Notes to Joey". (Readers: Aaaaaawwwwwwww.) I know, I know! I'm sorry! BUT! Yes, people, there is a BUT: I have another story on Joey called "Joey's Book of Boredom"; it's a guidebook on how to survive school. Please, go check that out! ^-^  
  
Up for a sequel? Tell me in your reviews!  
  
Final chapter!  
  
Chapter 7:  
  
~~~~~*~~~~~~  
  
Dear Joseph,  
  
I heard the news. I think it's about time you and I had a conversation on responsibility! I knew your father couldn't teach you the facts of life!  
  
Love, Mom  
  
Dear Ma,  
  
C'mon ma, I'm an adult now! Gimme a break! Plus, it wasn't MY fault the bartender insisted I drink more! Stupid Kaiba, looking all sexy in my drunken stupor.  
  
Love, Joey  
  
MUTT,  
  
HOME. NOW.  
  
RichMan  
  
Dude,  
  
NO.  
  
Joey  
  
Wheeler,  
  
DAMNIT GET HOME OR YOU SLEEP ON THE FLOOR!  
  
RichMan  
  
Kaiba,  
  
Meep. O.o yes dear.  
  
Joey  
  
Ps: I wuv you!  
  
Knucklehead,  
  
Bull shit.  
  
RichMan  
  
Dear dada,  
  
Goo goo  
  
Love,  
  
Sonya and Bob (Bobby)  
  
Dear kids,  
  
Aaaaaaaaaaawwwwwww. I love you too!  
  
Love, Dada  
  
Dear Joey,  
  
PLEASE????????????????????  
  
WhiteAngel  
  
Dear 'Kura,  
  
God, not this again.  
  
Joey  
  
Person,  
  
NO.  
  
BlackAngel  
  
Dear PEOPLE,  
  
CAN YOU STOP ARGUEING THROUGH MY ADVICE COLUMN?????????  
  
Joey  
  
Ps: I have a name, you know!  
  
Dear idiot,  
  
I could care less.  
  
BlackAngel  
  
~~~ And that ladies and gents, was my final chapter. If you all want a sequel, I'll gladly write one. But, on my next one, I'm going to need your help. Please, write some letters to Joey, his advice column is now going global!  
  
God, this chapter was gay. Ugh, now I KNOW I didn't put enough effort. Well, review this and I'll start working on my sequel!  
  
~Mavelus 


End file.
